I have often wondered why being diagnosed with depression, anxiety or any other mental disorder is so hard to conceive by other so called normal human beings. I know a person who is very close to my heart . In her late 30s, she fell into depression and her state compounded two fold as her husband and his family failed to see this as a disease that can afflict anyone.
Responsibilities such as two growing up children and a disgruntled family weighed on her shoulders and her condition became worse . She was a compassionate, caring individual earlier but became hyper sensitive, emotionally reactive over time and responded to everyone badly.She was perceived increasingly difficult to who ever she knew ,including myself .During calmer times, she discussed this extensively with me but I was oblivious to her state of mind and why she was so emotionally reactive .
The facts? Ignored . Her personality became the sole focus of her family . Their negative perceptions about her were so deeply ingrained in their minds that they overlooked her intrinsic nature and accused her of faking this mental disorder .
Her true nature was overlooked in favour of a preconceived idea.
She became The outsider. The ceaseless cycle of blame and judgement went on and one day she decided - enough! She booked in to see a counsellor. This counsellor became her hope of getting out of this condition .This was probably the best thing she did for herself but was accused of having an affair with the person concerned . So, it ended up with a complete break in trying to get out of this situation . The person concerned tried to break this cycle of depression and be her support system in unusual ways but it completely backfired setting her back in terms of her condition , forever .
Unfortunately, the personification of this disorder is played the the main role in her children's life as well . Inspite of the ramifications it has had on them , her children never lost their faith in her . They have stood with her throughout and do so even today . In fact ,they are the biggest motivation when it comes to living her life which she thought of ending at certain crossroads of her life. It is their belief in her that gives her the hope of becoming normal someday .
But along with all this came the social stigma of mental health illness as well as the tag of breaking up a family that she had tried to keep together in all her days.
Now comes my question ? Why do people only see the outward symptoms of depression, not the internal suffering .When you tell people about your diagnosis they say it's your way of thinking . They start judging you and consider you to be a mad person . Every action that is averse to their way of thinking is translated into 'she's a little crazy . Ignore her '. Why is it that a physical injury on her would be tangible, measurable and acceptable, but her depressive state not ?
Empathy is set aside in favour of “she did this, therefore that” without wondering what might be the underlying reason for her reactions and behaviour. Many people cannot separate a mental health disorder with a person’s personality, viewing a condition such as depression , as an intrinsic part of who that person is rather than an illness, albeit an invisible one. You wouldn’t consider a physical illness, such as pneumonia as being an intrinsic part of someone’s personality, so why a mental illness?
With mental health disorders, not only do you have to deal with your own state of condition and the consequences of your past actions, but also the stigma, and a plethora of others perception of you. Unfortunately, the personification of this disorder is playing the main role in her children's life as well .
It's sad that the main challenge lies in not so much in dealing with your own condition, but with those who refuse to acknowledge it’s existence. This can make depression that much harder to conquer, and I believe that until, as a society, we show more empathy and support, this is a problem many encounter.
I never understood this condition in the beginning but when I went through the same conditions , I realised the trauma of being in depression . There is no hope,no meaning to your life at this stage and everything around you becomes totally redundant. You do not feel like doing anything and even that is sometimes termed as laziness and an unwilling person who is averse to anything that is the norm . Its a condition that cannot be explained till you go through the same disorder . But ,I wouldn't wish this even on my worst enemies .
In the mean time I can only urge that if you feel you are struggling,or know someone who is, be compassionate and ask them to seek help. Don't ostracize the person . Empathize with them . Don't look down upon them as if they have committed a crime. There are huge underlying factors in how one ends up suffering with depression ,but one thing is clear - your suffering is immense ,sometimes beyond comprehension.
And although you can do little to ease their pain , a little bit of love peppered with an empathetic attitude goes a long ,long way.
Life’s events and changes that may precipitate a depressed mood include childbirth, menopause, financial difficulties, job problems, a medical diagnosis (cancer, HIV, etc.), bullying, loss of a loved one, natural disasters, social isolation, relationship troubles, jealousy, separation, and catastrophic injury; medical treatment and non psychiatric issues in tandem with the former are different from depressive disorder syndrome.
ReplyDeleteThe ready availability of information on Google empowers people with sharp yet generalized opinions which when expressed do a lot of harm than good because though they be informed might not necessarily be wise ; so you mustn’t be swayed by people’s opinions. Yes, instability in marital compatibility severely affects children and can be seen writ on the faces, emotions and is even carried down with everything they do, think or stand for and is not necessarily because they notice you depressed but is their coming to terms with a life changing situation that affects their stability, security and emotional quotient in a more or less permanent way.
We often try to live our lives according to the expectation of family or peers which might charter a course of action leading to depression. We even reject our strengths and little things in life that gives us happiness in sacrifice for the so called “bigger picture” but life is never like that; it always works its way around unchartered waters to create new relationships leading to the unfolding of new worlds that you could have been yours to inherit. Nothing in this world is permanent-not even change; therefore make the most of what you have and that which gives you happiness because depression is the body’s reaction to the lack it or that which provides a sense of emotional of fiscal security.
Depression is our body’s rejection to the planned and informed decisions we make in chartering courses that our vessels are either not fit to undertake or being out rightly rejected in our better interests. Some call it depression while others call you crazy in spite of all your perfection and natural reaction contrary to their beliefs and perception.
Thanx for taking out the time to read my post and giving your views .i really enjoyed reading them . Do keep coming back to read and write more . Sorry for the delay in replying . I never did see it cos blogger wasn't showing it
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